I'm beginning to understand why people get 'boring' sometimes....always lost in thoughts. Why butterflies in the stomach 'used to be' that feeling you knew, why it gets harder as time flies by. It was a strange, startling discovery when a song played in the background yesterday - Romeo and Juliet by Dire straits. One of my favorites.. Ive been humming it ever since.
I'm a music person - I had a song for every mood - mellow, happy, sad, sad-sad, happy-sad, melancholy, in love, aloof, spaced out.... I had one playing in my mind everyday and that song defined my mood. I remember yesterday that "Bittersweet symphony" was the song in my mind.I went about the last to last week feeling randomly disjoint and pieced apart. This other time Boulevard of broken dreams was playing on my mind and I had a nasty few days since it reminded me of a friend i was missing a lot... And it was the song for my mood that time. And then Hungry eyes was the song we all friends danced to once...
Today on my way to work, I realized how the music in my life has been replaced. Slowly, without realizing the transformation I was talking to myself each day - debating the outcome of my day, the code I am supposed to make, that conversation I had last night, the emails I need to reply to, where my relationship is going, what I m going to write in my resume application... its all getting thought without a background score in place.
It was after that I hooked up my laptop and played back some of my favorite music - Mark Knofler, Coldplay, maroon 5, Floyd , West life... its safe to say that the state I m in currently could be called "on a trip" or some other such vaguely intense definition "missing someone".
Each song hides moments, memories - nestled in the notes, the lyrics. Its like Mark Knofler said "All i do is miss you - through the bars of a rhyme". I've hidden so many stolen moments, hugs,glances, rides, tears, fears in the folds of so many songs... and discovering them sometimes by accident is just a delicious tingle - a feeling so infinite, of being able to travel time and 'relive'.
Moments have a way of shrinking when put into words - but they magnify when romanced with music. making me smile out of nothing at all.These songs sometime have the immense strength to make me cheer up out of nothing..
I am listening to "You sang to me" by Marc Anthony right now..it has a special place in my life......love this song....
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The tales of wait.
This happened when i was a little kid of 5.
My Mother had gone outside on her usual evening – trip and i was watching cartoons in my room. I was waiting for my mother to get me something to eat.My hunger was increasing and not able to control i ventured into the kitchen. I could see a packet of biscuits above, but could not reach there with my hand. I jumped higher and higher and my hand finally landed, not on the biscuits but on the glass crockery just besides them. All the crockery came crashing down and was broken into million pieces.
I was scared and shocked to my last nerve. I was afraid to face my mother’s anger . I finally ran to the roof and hid myself into a small alcove in the upper room. I hid there in the darkness, scared of what was going to happen.
My Mother returned and could not find me in all of the house. She searched all the rooms and called for me loud. I could hear her but would not come out. Soon she was in tears and was searching for me everywhere.
“Come Sona Pleaseee, Come to your Mother!”
By now i wanted to come out but again was scared, now not because of the glass I had smashed but all this confusion and tears I had caused.
Only after15 minnutes, when my mother had come on the roof for almost a 5th time to look for me did she heard my faint crying. She found me and dragged me out of there and hit me hard on the face. She kept crying and then hugged me tight. So tight that it felt like she will never let me go off her.
I too cried because of the pain but today when i called her and she said she is missing me ,i felt this feeling very clearly again– I am everything for my mother and she will never let me be alone.Love you mom...
My Mother had gone outside on her usual evening – trip and i was watching cartoons in my room. I was waiting for my mother to get me something to eat.My hunger was increasing and not able to control i ventured into the kitchen. I could see a packet of biscuits above, but could not reach there with my hand. I jumped higher and higher and my hand finally landed, not on the biscuits but on the glass crockery just besides them. All the crockery came crashing down and was broken into million pieces.
I was scared and shocked to my last nerve. I was afraid to face my mother’s anger . I finally ran to the roof and hid myself into a small alcove in the upper room. I hid there in the darkness, scared of what was going to happen.
My Mother returned and could not find me in all of the house. She searched all the rooms and called for me loud. I could hear her but would not come out. Soon she was in tears and was searching for me everywhere.
“Come Sona Pleaseee, Come to your Mother!”
By now i wanted to come out but again was scared, now not because of the glass I had smashed but all this confusion and tears I had caused.
Only after15 minnutes, when my mother had come on the roof for almost a 5th time to look for me did she heard my faint crying. She found me and dragged me out of there and hit me hard on the face. She kept crying and then hugged me tight. So tight that it felt like she will never let me go off her.
I too cried because of the pain but today when i called her and she said she is missing me ,i felt this feeling very clearly again– I am everything for my mother and she will never let me be alone.Love you mom...
Saturday, April 3, 2010
We do not remember days; we remember moments
Memory. ..It never fails to amaze me. Deep within the recesses of our grey matter, there lies this vast cognitive ability that allows us to remember.
I find it incredible that I can be sitting at my desk and suddenly I’ll be transported to the time I cut my foot open on a shell at aged 8. Or I'll be watching rain fall from the grey sky and instantly, without force, I can feel the gust of heat and humidity as I stepped off the plane in Delhi the last time you visited home. Memories are that powerful.
So I find myself wondering; why would anyone want to rid themselves of such power, such capacity? Astonishingly, there are some who do. few days back i read a news of a memory-erasing pill, developed to treat post-traumatic stress disorder. The idea is that it will expunge the sufferer of any painful memories thus allowing them a happy and fulfilling life.
Quite frankly, I’m astounded. Do the decades worth of research count for nothing? What about all those patients, people who lost their ability to remember? Take H.M for example. Henry Molaison was a 27 year old man who underwent brain surgery to correct epilepsy and developed amnesia. For over fifty years, until his death, he could not form new memories. He spent those five decades in an institution assisting scientists’ research on memory.
This case study doesn't bear thinking about. It's heartbreaking to know that one person can live such a life, so unfulfilled, simply because he cannot remember. I’m pretty certain that H.M would have given anything to lead a vastly different life than the one he lived. The chance to form new memories and remember old ones is a like a basic human right. No one should live without it.
And yet there are people willing to do so!
Memories are there for a reason. Yes, some are bad. But the bad ones are like mistakes; they help us grow. We learn from them. We become better people because of them. I don't understand why anyone would want to throw such potential away.they will be always close to me even if they made me cry sometimes..
I find it incredible that I can be sitting at my desk and suddenly I’ll be transported to the time I cut my foot open on a shell at aged 8. Or I'll be watching rain fall from the grey sky and instantly, without force, I can feel the gust of heat and humidity as I stepped off the plane in Delhi the last time you visited home. Memories are that powerful.
So I find myself wondering; why would anyone want to rid themselves of such power, such capacity? Astonishingly, there are some who do. few days back i read a news of a memory-erasing pill, developed to treat post-traumatic stress disorder. The idea is that it will expunge the sufferer of any painful memories thus allowing them a happy and fulfilling life.
Quite frankly, I’m astounded. Do the decades worth of research count for nothing? What about all those patients, people who lost their ability to remember? Take H.M for example. Henry Molaison was a 27 year old man who underwent brain surgery to correct epilepsy and developed amnesia. For over fifty years, until his death, he could not form new memories. He spent those five decades in an institution assisting scientists’ research on memory.
This case study doesn't bear thinking about. It's heartbreaking to know that one person can live such a life, so unfulfilled, simply because he cannot remember. I’m pretty certain that H.M would have given anything to lead a vastly different life than the one he lived. The chance to form new memories and remember old ones is a like a basic human right. No one should live without it.
And yet there are people willing to do so!
Memories are there for a reason. Yes, some are bad. But the bad ones are like mistakes; they help us grow. We learn from them. We become better people because of them. I don't understand why anyone would want to throw such potential away.they will be always close to me even if they made me cry sometimes..
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